Simple is Hard

I'm learning to simplify.

The past few weeks have been hard for me.

I feel resistance around writing that. I’ve got a story in my head around the type of person I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to have all the answers. I’m supposed to be the rock. I’m supposed to take care of things.

So I do. Or, at least, I try.

But so much of it has been out of my control the past few weeks.

It started with my 12 year old son splitting his head open on the bottom of the pool. He’s a swimmer at heart. He swims year round on multiple teams. He’d just won an award for scoring the most points for his team at the end of the season pool party.

And then he dove in a little deep, and gashed his head open. Luckily, it was about as “minor” as a head wound that required 6 staples could be. Scans came back clear, no neck injuries. But he’s definitely had lingering concussion symptoms ever since.

It’s not something I can fix. It’s going to take time to heal. All we can do is set the environment that gives him the best chance of recovery. 

There’s a quote that I’ve been thinking about lately.

“When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower”

Alexander Den Heijer

So, if things are hard, doesn’t that mean it’s a reflection of the environment I’ve created for myself?

I believe in living a high-agency life. I take ownership of the problems I’m having. I’m constantly reflecting on what’s happening around me, and looking for things I can improve. 

I’m monitoring the environment the flower is trying to grow in and looking for anything that is preventing the flower from growing.

But what if all it takes is time? Can I tell the difference between needing time and needing a change of environment?

Part of my frustration lately has come from trying to work with the timelines of others. I’m in a position where I’ve got to figure out how to make things happen quickly. Most people aren’t on the same schedule.

Did you know some people are even taking vacation right now?!

When I was fired in February, I felt so light and free. I had plenty of time to make things work. I just need to do it! I saw the light ahead of me and I started running toward it. But as I kept running, the light never seemed to get closer. It’s always at some point in the future.

Looking back on things, I see where I went wrong. I was so sure the products I was building would work. I was so sure the investors I was talking to would be on board.

I was so sure.

Now, the only thing I’m sure of is that I’m not sure of anything.

Actually, that’s not true. I’m sure of one thing: I’m at least making a positive impact on peoples’ lives.

The reason I can say that with certainty is that I’ve seen the signs: I’ve had people reach out to me with generosity. I’ve had not one, but two coaches reach out to me and offer to help me on deferred payment plans. They’ve both been huge for me, because they’ve helped me start unblocking myself.

The first place I was blocking myself: I didn’t understand value vs price correctly. That’s a great irony considering everything I’ve been studying, but it’s the reality. When I was trying to sell things, I was constantly explaining all the pieces that went into it. “This is really powerful because it includes these theories of A,B, and C”. Guess what? The people I was trying to sell to? They don’t care. They only care about what’s in it for them. 

But I wasn’t trying to sell them on the value for them, I was trying to sell myself on the price I was charging. 

I needed to convince myself it was ok to charge the prices I was charging. If it felt easy to me, I had to explain why it was so easy. 

It calls to mind the story of Picasso being approached by someone in a restaurant. They asked him to do a sketch for them on a napkin and said they would pay him whatever he felt was fair, and he agreed. He did the sketch and then asked them for $10K.

“But it only took you 30 seconds!”

“No, it took me 40 years.”

When I was able to see that pattern, I was able to start simplifying the language I used. There is beauty in simplicity. Simple things can hide complex truths.

There’s a picture that’s been floating around Twitter the last few days. It shows the 3 evolutions of the Raptor engine from SpaceX. 

It starts complex and then simplifies over time. Much like my messaging.

The second place I was blocking myself: trying to sell what people need, not what they want.

But wait, isn’t that wrong? Shouldn’t we sell what people need?

No, we shouldn’t. As it turns out, most people don’t know exactly what they need. They know they have problems, and they identify potential solutions. They are looking for something that may or may not be what they need. 

So when one of the coaches I’ve been working with told me to “Sell what they are looking for. Deliver what they need.”, my mind was blown a bit. That makes complete sense. 

There’s a deeper lesson here, too. Because when you are able to sell what people are looking for, they feel like you are actually hearing them. You are listening to their problems and understanding exactly what they are looking for. 

But then it’s up to you to deliver what they need, which may or may not look exactly the same.(It probably won’t.)

In the end, I don’t know exactly what my flower will look like. But something I’ve come to realize is that I don’t need to be working on the environment alone.

Sometimes, it’s ok to invite another gardener in to help you craft the environment your flower needs to thrive. They can give you a different perspective, and help you see if there’s actually something wrong with the environment, or if you just need more time.

Sure beats the alternative of changing things frantically with no idea if what you are doing is actually working or not.

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If you have a moment, I could use your help. I was inspired by Daniel Vassallo’s new offer: Lifetime Consultations for a set price.

So I launched my own version of this. But I need your help with one thing:

More testimonials. If I’ve been helpful in some way, could you send me a testimonial I can add? That’s super helpful because it shows others how I can help (and also lets me know if there’s a way I’m helping people that I’m not aware of/haven’t added!).

And if you think I might be able to help you see what’s happening in your own garden, here’s where you can grab one of the slots.